DawnPapuga.com — Reality 101

Everyone who has been through college has some kind of memory associated with food.  There are certain foods that, even today, I find myself balking at because I ate them to excess while in undergrad.  Sometimes it was out of convenience, other times it was out of necessity.  What foods do you associate with your college years?

1.  Ramen Noodles.  I’m pretty much over these little sodium-filled packs of “soup.”  Every once in a blue moon I find myself craving them… until I make them and remember exactly why I don’t eat them anymore.

2.  Mac and Cheese.  I could eat Mac and Cheese every day with no problem.  When I got bored, I’d add some flair:  Tuna and ketchup (Yes, I am aware that most people think that’s gross), chicken and broccoli, and even beef tips.  I can still eat Mac and Cheese on the rare occasion that it’s served somewhere (OMG the Sixth Penn Kitchen has the most addictive “home made” Mac and Cheese I’ve ever tasted!!), but I’m not likely to make it.

3.  Soup.  I still eat a lot of soup, but I practically survived college eating soup and drinking coffee.  Though it has been my favorite for as long as I can remember, I haven’t had Broccoli and cheese soup since I flipped my tassel.

4.  Pizza.  Some people never lose their love for the pizza.  I can now take it or leave it.  Unless we’re talking about Campiti’s… in that case I’ll have two larges to go in the brown paper bag, thank you.

I realize that not everyone is capable of dedoublement*, and I don’t know if it can be taught.  What I do know is that there would be an significant decrease in drama, wasted time, pain, and anger if it could.  I would wager that only roughly 45% of the people I know are capable of detaching themselves from situations to look at things from a cold, factual, objective point of view.  Those people tend to achieve whatever goals they set for themselves.  Sometimes they’re also considered cut-throat or heartless, but it’s not necessarily a requirement. 

I have watched family, friends, and even public figures nearly, if not completely, destroy themselves (careers, relationships, friendships, you name it) because they refuse to even attempt to remove their own emotions from the equation and look at facts.  I don’t just mean personal feelings, as in how you feel, but how society plays into your understanding of circumstances as well.  If people were more honest about facts, behaviors, and their contributions, people’s lives would be a hell of a lot more different.

It seems like every year I get word that someone I know ODs, and, unfortunately, they’re usually very young.  Last night I was informed of yet another friend of my cousin’s who ODed about two weeks ago–one year and a day from his own friend who ODed.  Yes, addiction can be hidden.  I don’t deny this.  But how long can the people closest to an addict turn their heads from obvious problems and signals?  I don’t buy that people just “don’t know.”  That might work in your own head to help justify the circumstances, but everyone–including you–knows that’s absurd.  I fought for years with a friend who refused to admit her boyfriend was an addict.  It was always the fault of his friends, or his family, or stress.  Eventually, after he ODed, she admitted that it wasn’t anyone else shoving needles in his arm.  She blamed herself.  Honestly, it broke my heart.  When there are problems with the people closest to you, somewhere–even if it’s that little voice in the back of your head nagging and casting doubt–deep down you know.  It’s that same little voice or feeling you get when you know that something is wrong in a friendship.  You know. 

I’ve never understood why people shy away from doing the hard things, the things that may be painful at first, or embarrassing, or difficult, in order to help someone they care about.  Isn’t the ultimate goal to live happy, healthy lives and help those you love to do the same?  I’ve known people who looked the other way for decades of abuse and addiction because they didn’t want people to “talk” or to feel like “a failure” in the eyes of the people who mattered most to them.  Newsflash!  You and the ones you love are the only things that should matter.  When you’re faced with the disastrous consequences of sticking your head in the proverbial sand, you won’t get any pity from me.  Maybe that’s cold.  Maybe that’s heartless.  But when given days, months, years, even decades to right a wrong or intervene when someone can’t for themselves, and you choose, instead, to go about your merry way pretending everything is just fine, I just can’t help you.  In fact, if you bring that to me the first thing I’ll do is lay the cards–all the cards–on the table.  It’s not an attempt to make you feel worse, but an effort to help you see what actually happened.  That’s not to say I won’t be there to help.

I’m aware that not everyone feels the same.  I’m also aware that there are plenty of folks who don’t believe that their friends or relatives are their responsibility.  To each his own.  Personally, I find that to be colder than brutal honesty.  I just know that I’m tired of attending funerals for people I’ve coached, taught how to swim, or taught in a classroom because no one wanted to upset or embarrass them (or themselves or their family).  Problems are problems and everyone has them.  No one is perfect.  Once we all can admit that to ourselves, maybe our roads will be just a little bit smoother and filled with the people we care most about.  I have enough stops at roadside cemeteries to make through this life, I’d like to avoid adding any more.

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*Dedoublement, in this sense, is not the direct translation of “split personality,” but the psychological/literary concept discussed by French author Andre Gide.  In essence, “dedoublement” is the ability to split oneself in two–one aspect that interacts and feels the world they live in, and the other to stand back and observe.  The second “self” is responsible for the detached analysis of the facts of the world around the individual.  Without this second self, it becomes inherently more difficult to act for the greater outcome or good.

There’s too much molly-coddling of children these days.  I didn’t get to decide what it was I would eat on a daily basis as a kid.  My parents cooked dinner and we ate.  If it was something new, and we balked, the deal was that we try and eat it, and if we didn’t like it after that meal, we didn’t have to eat it next time. That rarely happened.

For me it happened with the following foods, which you won’t catch me eating unless the world is ending, I’ve already eaten every leafy thing in sight, or I’m about to die of malnutrition (in which case you’ll still have to hold me down and force feed me):

1. Liver.  Just… ew.  Ew. Ew. Ew.  No, no thank you.  There is no way you can cook this to make it even remotely appealing.
2. Salmon.  I know salmon is all the rage these days, but even the smell of it makes me gag.  Cooked, raw, or swirled into a frothy pate, it’s still awful.
3. Anchovies.  The only way I voluntarily eat anchovies is in Caesar dressing and I can only eat it then because I forget that those little bastards are in there.  They’re gross.
4. Added update:  Sardines.  Not only do they stink to high heaven, but they’re all claustrophobic in those cans.  No, no thank you!

I’m pretty sure those are the only ones, but I’m sure others will crop up.  If they do I’ll add them, but for now, you won’t see me piling any of these in my shopping cart.  If you do, it’s clearly an impostor.